she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
