just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
