apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the day after is always just damage control
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
