no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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