oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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