I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
