i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
