ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize