I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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