he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
