OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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