The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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