Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize