i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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