Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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