Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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