i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
