did you get engaged???
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
