So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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