wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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