i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
NoShamevember. You game?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize