she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
