Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize