Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
