I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize