I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
