spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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