I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize