is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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