Sober January is a disaster.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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