Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
