I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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