Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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