She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
