I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Randomize