I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
