is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
