so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Randomize
