if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize