is your mom at the bar?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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