my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize