im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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