How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
