a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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