David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
