Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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