I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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