i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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