i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Everclear isn't food dammit
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
