The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize