It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
