So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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