Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
