so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
