so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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