Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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