So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
