I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
