I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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