Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
