Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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