I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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