Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
