In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
