so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
