Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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