Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
