well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
