Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
