I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
