the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
