Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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