goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
