So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize