I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
