today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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