how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
