This is not my ceiling
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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