quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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