Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize