Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
