If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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