So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
