You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
