you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
