were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
