We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
