reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
