I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
