mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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