i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
