They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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