I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
