Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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