ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
