cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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