Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
