OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I want is dick and wine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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