just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
