I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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