Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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