If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize