i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
